Thank You & Good Nite

I got my heartbroken by a guy who lives across the country.

Let me explain, he’s a man who “fall(s) in love with every woman I(he) see(s) who shows me(him) the least bit of attention”

He’s never held a relationship for longer than 4 months, a temporary dater. If you date him, you’ll become his temporary datee. 

When you are with him, he’ll treat you like a 5 star dinner. He’ll appreciate the setting, the meticulous beauty, the workmanship and quality of the ingredient. But before lifting a fork, he’ll ask the waiter “could I have this to go?” He doesn’t know when to enjoy what they have until the waiter takes it away. 

If there was an object that was remotely similar to him it would be a rock, average looks and no personality. But with the ability to break you apart. 

He’s needy. He needs you to be there. He needs you to talk first. He needs you to ask him out, show him interest. But when you want him to stay, he’s physically there but never mentally or emotionally. 

He’s the guy who says he’s fucked up but doesn’t realize, he’s not fucked up, just afraid. 

If fear drove men to fight wars, fear drove this man to run away from the remote idea that this relationship could be a long term commitment. 

This is a man who breaks up with the idea that we’ll still be friends. This is a girl who breaks up, cries every day, and begrudgingly became friends because like their relationship, she cared too much about his feelings. 

This man fooled her. If you send your shirt, tell her you’ll visit, made her a birthday gift, and doesn’t want to fuck her, you’re doing it wrong.

This is the man who I fell in love with, who I stupidly am still in love with, who thinks I’m too “out there” and talkative. He left me because I moved away and he could find someone else to fuck. He left me because we “didn’t connect” like we did before that it wasn’t like how our relationship started. Yes it’s true but relationships change from outright passion to a quiet deep connection. 

How can you have a crush on someone else when months before you thought about marrying me? How could you talk to me knowing you liked someone else? How could you talk to me with me knowing that you were skipping out hanging out with your crush just because I was breaking down? How could you let me break down?

How come I hurt so much when honestly, you never appreciated me? 

You thanked me. But you could never truly appreciate how much I loved you nor realize it because you’d rather be high than be with me. You were just lucky that I didn’t mind being around high people. 

You’ve ruined dates we had and never tried to whoo me. Have you ever made up for the dates you’ve ruined? Have you ever taken the initiative to take me out? 

This is a guy who never woke up before the girl unless he had work. Told her he’d help her cook and then walk away when she’s teaching him. Wouldn’t invite her to his parties when she invited him to hers. Didn’t take the initiative to be her friends friend, just stood there with nothing to say. The excuse he gives for not talking is that he’s awkward. It’s really because he’s not brave enough to put himself out there. 

He’s not a man but a child; afraid, timid, shy, needy, lazy.

And the thought of him hurts.